Blopswebsite

I still wonder what to add on my website...
I choose to write because I want to think better, more clearer. I want to be able to use my writing as a tool for my thinking and I wish to improve my writing skills on all levels in order to share my ideas and thoughts. Helps me think trough things.
Besides, writing as a skill i am very bad at and i dont like that.

I will try to share my thoughts/think out loud/philosophies/discoveries on here:

Exspanding world

I think we all are somewhat really pure, and that we have conditioned to not listen to ourselfs truly enough. If you have ever ended up struggling over something like lack of self-confidence, for example. Instead of focusing your attention inwards you focus it outwards
I think by looking too much outwards we end up forgetting to look inwards into to our own selfs. Sometimes I get too suspicious over the ways I have been shown by others and i try to resolve it out for myself first
We have been conditioned by others around us to believe our selfs as less interesting and less worth. Instead of focusing on cultivating our own selfs we watch movies or series where other people cultivate themselves and change. We end up going nowhere since we imitate other people so much that we loose track of our selfs. There is nothing to be worked upon or changed when you pay little attention to what is going on with you. Your garden will get filled with weeds and you wont be able to help others.
Everything around us seems individualistic but at the same time not. We are fed and shown the same things just separate. We are given the same plate of food and we tend to believe that other people have it better than us (FOMO). That they are way more different, interesting, skilled, and better than us. Whereas it seems now to me more than ever that we seem to have the same things going on with our lifes.
We seem to be given the same plate of food ; education, media, views, belief. Being made to believe there is no other way than this affects OUR SENSE OF SELF where we rest our attention on the outside world, forgetting our inside self so it eventually spins spider webs in the corners in our minds, tainting our pure selfs. I wonder if there is anything different outside of all this. Surely everything does not have to be this way?
What I want to do is to shift my attention from my given plate of food. Things seems too suspicious in the way they are and no way that it is the only out there. Take the internett for example: most people see what is in front of them on the core web, but some try to exsplore behind the core web and they find things like this website. Same goes for all other things. Remember when stoicism was a thing and Nietzsche? Some decided to go deeper than what the media had shown them so they read books, listened and engaged in their ideas by themselves, creating their own view out of it.
And look, I dont trust what i already know about the world is how it should be and is. I dont believe that. The way we think about the world should be taken back and reexamined and explored. There is too many opportunities and ways out there for one to stay in their confort zone. I want to make slow progress in every field in order to exspand my world-view better. . .

A hyposthesis about Music

I have been wondering recently of how much music plays an inportant role in our lifes. When i listen to old songs in the past that i used to listen to frequently i get the same feeling or thought as i did then and i even feel again how i felt in general torwards the world at that time. I like those associations and i wonder if i can purpousefully make associations with new songs again.
Hyposthesis: After listening to a song multiple times while imagining something/making myself feel something-will that inpact how i will feel automatically and does the enviorment also play a role? (for example, i could listen to a song while being happy and cleaning and listening to that song again would make me happy and want to clean)
I believe the answer is yes; i have been slowly exsperimenting around this for a while, but not noted it down. I figured i could get some clearer innsights if i noted it down and shared it.
Other observations In the morning when i sometimes jog i listen to a specific album (Ever by iq) while i run in the humid and cold air- just about to see the sun rise. Now, listening to that album aywhere else makes be think of it. But most of all- it makes me feel the colour blue because first times i listened to the album i chewed blue bubble gum and the album is even blue. Another song is Harborside by Protest the Hero tyhat i have listened to almost always when i walk to school- to kinda mentally prepare myself.. It makes me want to play guitar and hyped!
stats This will probably take some time... gotta chose song first lel.. Im thinking about listening to something while browing the web-working on my site, looking at others sites- techno stuff... This is a good oppurtuniy for me to try to get into Techno musics like Vaporwave!:O

I would like to know how other people connect different genres/types of music for themselfs. I should try to make some post about this on Agora road

Soft life

It is so cool to know that we actually adapt to anything and that it seems actually wierd to feel so miserable at times! I mean, i wont try to make too many assumptions of your life but i will suppouse you too have large acess to the internett and some free time. Sometimes we feel so bored, but why feel bored when there is so much within our reach that we can do? Our ancestors must be weeping at the sight of us with free acess to almost all the books in the world. I think we have just conditiond to not follow our own curiosity. Being bored and doing practically nothing takes less effort than waddeling all over to a wikipedia page and read, or knitting, or drawing- exacly that point, we need to get used to overcome. And then there is the grassland on the other side of the river- the other side of your perception and what you cannot reach; Otherness (other people). Self inprovement books, infleuencers, money-people, models, ideals- they all seem to have something that you dont have, making you feel incomplete and limited. Forgetting yourself. We end up looking over at the other side witheout looking at our own. We end up not paying attention to our own garden so weeds start to grow. It becomes sillier and sillier. Our minds constrained with otherness will never help us nor will it ever help others because we are too busy being "miserable" or "confused". It is a fake, ideal world where the mind flies too high up in the skies so it dosent notice the decay underneath itself. On the other hand, what one needs here, i think, is attention to building things: Building knowledges, building curiosity, building hobbies and buildig awareness. At first it will prob feel tiering, unmotivating and almost painful- but after that it will get better,feel more normal and youll might like it. For example you want to get into movies and learn to understand them better or just look cool lol). After the first leap of trying to learn about the directors, their history and the most grounding knowledges in Cinema- you will then start to notice yoruself enjoying cinema much more once you have studied its craftmanship. I want to tell you to go and do that thing you have been curious to try out or to do. Have you ever kinda just wanted to like reading deep literature but never really gotten into reading? Do it and find out. Make sure to rest fully and then before you know it you will have too many things to do. Its not about that you have too little to do, but it is about having the awareness of knowing what to do with your time. So go out and cultivate yourself amd enjoy.
This way of living, feels softer, kinder and holier than the way of living where your mind is detached from yourself.

Having a empty mind

(here im kinda just talking to myself but found it nice to put here to further work on in the future)

Bamboozeled and fantoozeled to feel that i am incapable of thinking. It feels as if my mind has gotten all its contents groveled out my a big snow shovel- or even worse, by a big, rasping and sharp automated snowblower that i always feel irry to be around. I have come across new and smaller, but possible revolutions to my daily life. Id like to call them "revolutions" because they have the potential of altering my life course. One is being David Foster Wallace. I originally discovered him in summer when i had a sweet break from my wasteful summer job and i was mesmerized by his speech "this is water", his articles and further interested in taking the mega challenge of starting infinite jest. I had a whole idea then to try to learn and consume as much people and philosophers at that time, but someway in the middle of discovering Wallace, to my annoyance, everything shriveled into a vague blur of uncertainty! When i look back it feels as if i never really took the initiative to truly learn about a person (and more people), their style and texts and to further use it in my daily life since i had better free time (no i did not have "more free time"). A great ANNOYING weakness of mine (and shitty stupidity because my mind feels so empty) is that i do things under 100% or that i fail what i promised myself. May be that i set too strong requirements for myself, or that the path i planned out was too vague or that i ended up getting busy with other things that i had promised myself. Takes me back that i also read "Humbolts gift" and noted down all the many references to people and such to plan on reading and learning about them later on to "expand my mind", but then never really finding time nor effort nor honest value in it. I exist somewhat/perhaps in an all too rigid and forced lifestyle that ive made myself...? Anyhow, I have now finally taken more time to watch movies and listen interviews about Wallace to try to actually think and understand what he is on about. But now that i try to think about it i cant seem to quote him much in any way. I know what hes talking about and some of his thoughts as some shape in my head, but struggle to find the words for it. Perhaps i am just a bit stupid and empty minded to it. This shit is annoying to feel on because that tells me i miss firstly some mental capacity like good thinking- like practicing routines, memorization and ability to vocalize myself.
What can the solution be then? - Firstly, i want to learn to think aloud and play a bit around with what i have learnt. I think writing what i learn on my website could help. But i still feel a bit unsure and uncomfortable with still sharing my learning and my road. It is probably because i have not yet gotten used to this and thus have not established a solid/adaptable routine, and i mean that i do forget it after like 3 tries because i need the flexibility in my messy rutine. - Secondly, mnenonics has been in the shadow for too long. I have the ugly tendency too of forgetting things i have learnt. Establishing pictures and ways of remembering like using the PAO-method, making a whole place in my head dedicated to history etc. I have done this a bit before and it does stick to my mind better than normal. - Lastly, I need to concretizise more what i want to do and be and make reachable and VISIBLE goals within that. Just now for example i abruptly stopped reading just so i could wirte down this and finnish it. ->Thoughts and ideas are not to be skimmed over. But they hare to be cultivated and harvested. To do that i need to focus my time and remember. Having some kind of mnemonic around this could perhaps help, but i dont know about that, ill see to it.

The slow cancellation of the future (unfinnished)

I have jist started reading Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher and it got me wondering. It seems like we have been so eaten up by capitalism (today now called late-capitalism) that we cannot imagine any different system in the world. Capitalism and neoliberalism has ended up engraving itselt into our thoughts. I think it is so effective here because of how our minds gets quietly propigated with the effects. Capitalism today has become a lifestyle- a belief system which is almost inpossible to get out of on your own (oh, perhaps it is inpossible). Anyhow, thanks to late capitalism that commodifies everything;of course past culture also gets commodified and regurgitated for its own use (think punk and grundge style sold on temu for really cheap or companies mass producing and selling "grunge/punk" clothes). Since we live in a place where everything gets regurgitated you rarley get to se/consume the original piece. Think of summaries of great books or revamps of older music or movies. Its taken out of its deeper roots.
I think that one should learn to study the craftmanship in art. To see and understand the details instead of skimming it over. Instead of eating the barfed up, cherrypicked remains of 70s,80s,90s music in the lens of the 21st century you should exsplore the original, authenthic form. If you really like movies you shouldnt only watch the newer movies- think of all the other great and totally different movies youre missing from the past. . Because before your time; there must definetly be something behind in time that you could discover that youd love.... I think the more deep and undertsanding you are of something the better you can connect it to other things and really find out what the world is.... Things from the present moment is great too dont get me wrong. But the past has great things too that youre totally missing out on. Who nows perhaps you would love hip hop which would lead you to your favorite authour because they also loved hip hop?