I have started to dislike school more and more troughout the school years ive been realizng more and more the total uselessness and waste of time it is. and how it hurts to be here
few years ago in 10.th grade i would spend my schooldays reading berserk/manga and skribbble around on pinterest and doodle in my notebooks and dream about posting my art and having community.or well, the latter is probably a lie, i cant honestly recall any sort of dreams or clear plans i had for the future. Each day and week just sorta blended into itself, much was the same, much feels the same. I remember I discovered philosophy and nietszche for the first time, I would learn about him and I made my notes in this free mind-map program, and then to my greatest despair that stupid map didn't save, I wrote a lot on it too, made cool connections and bits where I would have some of my thoughts as well. I don't like how much time I spent on it, I started reading niestzche yeah that too, but I never truly pointed my nose in other works or thoughts. I learnt some of Kant, Spinoza, Descartes, Schopenhauer and some Wittgenstein (one of my earliest memories of philosophy was listening to a yt video about Wittgenstein while playing The Hunter on my ps4, I was exited, I loved the feeling of thinking new, it felt like my mind had been washed over with a new colour of thought). But Argh, I shan't start to talk about something else now. Schooldays went slow, and sure I had friends, but I'm quite unsure what to call a friend anymore... I try my best to recall anything I've learnt throughout those long days but I'm half afraid to say almost nothing, for a course of 6 hours schoolwork I'd say I could lean it in 1, because the teacher spends wastefully large amounts of time talking and we get pathetically long on questions, but anyhow, I don't want to criticize this aspect much, but it felt like and still feels like I should at least start off with some brief exsplaination. 2 years from then it has not gotten any better. Right now we're on some short trip to our museum where some guy talks about our owns mining history, with is- actually kinda interesting. If it weren't for the fact that I'm gonna be around here for perhaps 6 hours (I doubt it will be so long, I'f I find extra time I will go to a library to sit alone). It is painful to having to walk around with pepole I barley truly know an which I cannot try to get to know, to know I have to walk around in a crowd I do not belong in and which hinders me and hurts. By the time just waiting here I want to actually do something and or to feel some progress in my chest.